Thursday, July 8, 2010

lady blah blah - guest blogger

this came over the transom.
lady blah blah is guest blogging & shares her daily grind in her life as a lady blogger...

7:00 AM - Wake, curl into fetal position, and weep silently into my pillow as I face the reality of another day without Domino.

8:00 AM - Make coffee—organic, free trade Honduran, of course. It’s the least I can do for the environment. Too bad I have to drive so far to the nearest Whole Foods to get it. That reminds me, I need to gas up SUV.

8:10 AM - Admire how edgy I am for painting kitchen black. It’s not like black kitchens are all over Domino, Lonny, and other design blogs. I am by far the edgiest married, mid-30s blond in this entire middle class subdivision.

8:30 AM - Contemplate breakfast. I’d love toast and bacon, but raspberry jelly is hell to get out of my carrara marble counter tops. And I’m not scrubbing bacon grease out of white subway tile and grout again. Besides, the family loves Pop-tarts for breakfast—they’re so delightfully retro.

9:00 AM - Boobear and The Angel Baby are off to grandmother’s house. My husband hates it when I refer to him as BooBear, but I’ve told him over and over that ALL the coolest lady bloggers call their husbands by a nickname—I can’t just use his name. If I have a second brat, I guess I’ll have to come up with another nickname for him, but it’s not gonna happen any time soon—I’m not letting that bastard husband touch me again until he agrees to let me re-paper the powder room. Yes, I know I just did it, and that it cost $5,000, but Imperial Trellis is SO out.

9:15 AM - I hope that brat of mine stays gone for a while----I get so sick of him whining about how much more fun he has at grandma---I don’t care if she doesn’t yell at him for sitting on the sofa---HER couch isn’t covered in white linen (Belgian, of course), and I’m sorry that he wanted Bob The Builder bedding---a Bob the Builder bedroom ain’t gonna get me a feature in Lonny.

9:30 AM - Dress. Should it be Target dress, J. Crew shoes and Anthropologie cardigan, or the Anthropologie dress, J. Crew cardigan, and Target shoes?

9: 35 AM - Life was so much easier when I just had to decide between which color Juicy camel toe track suit.

9:36 AM - Shit, just tripped over stack of Hermes boxes artfully arranged by closet—dented one. Must order replacement from Hermes box supplier on e-bay.

9:45 AM - Apply makeup from selection of Chanel cosmetics artfully arranged on python tray. Sight of artful makeup tray on carrara marble reminds me of Domino. I weep.

10:00 AM- Repair makeup.

10:30 AM - Client Consultation. Well, actually I’m just off to my sister’s new place to help her unpack, but my readers don’t need to know that. I need to think of a name for the project….BoHo Condo? It certainly sounds better than flea-infested hellhole efficiency in an Atlanta ghetto---I told her a fine arts degree was never gonna pay her bills. Thank god, I’m married and don’t have to work.

12:00 Noon - Lunch. I spent all my cash on a metallic cowhide to drape over my kitchen island (the last surface in my home not already covered in a cowhide), so I guess it’s off to Mickey D’s for a value meal. I’ll tell my readers I stopped “at a trendy little bistro in the commercial district for a working girl lunch of "flilet de boeuf en sandwich and pomme frites.”

12:30 PM - Stop by Toys R Us. Need to find plastic blinking toy to bribe The Angel Baby for another “candid” photo shoot. After the last “candid” child shot took four hours and I got mascara in his eyes—it’s not my fault his damn lashes don’t photograph well—he’s been resisting a photo session---how else can I prove that gleaming dark floors, Lucite furniture, silk draperies, and bright white linen upholstery are completely child friendly without posting occasional shots of angel baby engaging in chocolaty, muddy frolics----note, need to replace garden nozzle so can hose him off before bringing him into mudroom shower for double cleansing. Thank god Liz taught me photo shop so I can superimpose chocolaty face into my kitchen without having to risk it next to, did I mention they were carrara?, marble counter tops. This time, I remembered to bring measuring tape to make sure toy will fit into Ikea baskets---only Domino/Lonny approved artisan wooden toys can be seen in photos.

12:45 PM - Pull SUV over to the side of the road. As I thought about going through another long day without Domino, tears began to blind me. Sobbed---why can’t Nick Olsen be here to hold me?

1:00 PM - Home. Exhausted. Being a design professional (I’m gonna get paid one day, so maybe that bastard Boobear can stop bitching about having to work overtime to pay for my decorating HOBBY---This is my passion…why can’t he understand it? Maybe he should get his own passion It’s not my fault his band never made it, and he’s now too old to rock) God, I could use a drink, but I don’t want to disturb my bar setup, and I've forgotten to buy extra Tanqueray, Pimm’s and Maker’s Mark---I’m not actually sure what cocktail you could mix with these, but according to spread after spread in Lonny, these are the liquor bottles to own…

gwd - thank u lady blah blah

2 b continued...


Post a Comment

Blog Archive